When you meet someone, you have so much expectations. You want so much from that relationship, you put all your dreams and fantasies into that one relationship. Its your own doing! And somehow you never wanna believe that but live in the misery of disappointment.
I was one of those miserable kinds. It was my very first “real” relationship. The “real” is because this connection with him is inexplicable. I feel deep love and admiration for what I have become because of this relationship. You never give up on me, never ever! But somehow I still manage to whine about things you don’t do and annoy you. You know whats the problem? You make me feel lady like, from the tomboy that I was, and I loved it. But sadly, I began to have silly expectations of a girl. Oh Yes! That sounded chauvinistic for a feminist like me, but you so loved the fact that I was not just another girl and that I understood men so well. But slowly I was changing. I wanted more time, more love, more memories, more, more,more of everything.. And that was our downfall. I drowned myself in unnecessary lonliness and even worse, decided to stop expecting anything and just live a life. That was toxic for who we were. The free spirited lover in me was dying and I was being engulfed in flames of sadness.
Just like all the years, you never gave up. And you wanted this misery to end and help me liberate myself from despair….
I really hope I can confide everything to you,how I felt that day and how much more I have fallen in love with you.
Its still fresh in my memory of what happened 3 years ago..
You sat beside my bed while I was fast asleep.(You always loved watching me asleep while I smiled or frowned upon my dreams and you’d kiss me and whisper in to my ear of how beautiful I looked or how much you loved me, sometimes I heard them, but I pretended to be fast alseep). You pulled me closer, held my hands and tapped my chin.. While I squinted and grogilly looked at you.. You smiled and said, “Boo can I tell you a story? I have meaning to tell you this for a while now”… I nodded in approval.. While you entwined your fingers with mine, your eyes glistened as you whispered, “Once there was a boy and he was living his life. Just the usual you know. Friends, bikes, road trip, tea shops, smokes and all that atuff.. But then he met a girl. He met her at the most unexpected places and at an unexpected time of his life. She was very different from whom he had dreamed of, but there was something about her. Something like a spell. She’d talk and he would be lost in her magical world. She would talk for hours and he loved just watching her narrate stories with her animated expressions and her antics. She cared a lot for him,like no one else. She’d be there for him at all times and there was nothing she wouldn’t do for him. Often times he wondered if he even deserved her unconditional love and affection. But he didnt regret having met her. He felt lucky.
One day while he lay on the sands, one summer evening, he found love. He found in him a happiness that was beyond explanation when he thought of her. He knew it! She was the one. So he finally muscled up courage and asked her out.
She was baffled! She thought her mind deceived her. She was also confused because he lied to her all these days that he had fallen for someone else. But it turned out to be her. She took time. She distanced herself from him. But all through she felt pain. He clouded her mind and all she did was think of him. Finally she made up her mind! Who better? Who would ever know her like he did? It would take a lifetime for someone to know her the way he did. He gave her time. His heartached, but he wanted to give her time.
One evening, she met him. The first thing she did was throw herself in his embrace and told him that she can’t stand a minute without him… They fell in love and faced the world together.. Their love was put through a lot of tests and they never gave up. They fought their parents’ disapproval, insults and discouragement, just to be together.. They were together for 7 years. Yes, they did have fights,disagreements, insecurities and everything else that could tear them apart, but they always ran back to each other no matter what! Their souls were connected and there was no way they could ever fall outta love… The boy knew she was the one and he loved her a lot. He also knew that she loved him too”.
You kissed my forehead and brushed your fingers through my hair. I was blushing. It was nostalgic. It was our story. Tear trickled down both our cheeks. We brushed away the tears with our cheeks and kissed lightly. He then continued, “So one fine day”, you pulled yourself away from me and got up from our low lying bed. The next thing was unbelievable!! You went down on your knees and said, ‘Boo i love you very much, will you marry me baby?’..” I was wide awake the moment you went down on your knees.. In your hand was a pretty maroon and gold box with a spark.. I was speechless.( Yes this does sound like in the movies, but experiencing it was beyond words.)
I felt like it was a dream and my body went cold… I was there lying down on the bed, looking at the man I love more than anyone in the world and you looked calm and smiled his precious smile. My heart was racing and tears trickled down my cheek, I sprung up and kissed you. It felt like the first time… You still held out the ring with an innocent face, and raised your eyebrows… I screamed out, “Yes yes yes yes yes boo! I love you so much baby and why wouldn’t I marry you my crazy elf!..” I screamed again. You removed the ring tied to the box with a ribbon and slipped it into my finger and kissed my hand. It was perfect! Beautiful and perfect!
You said, “I love you so much and I want to spend my whole life with you my love”. I couldn’t stop sobbing. Sobbing tears of joy and happiness. Tears of excitement and achievement. Emotions just flowed through my eyes. You lied down next to me and watched me admire the diamond on my finger.
I couldn’t get over what I felt that day and I never will. Every time I recollect it, I relive the moment.
Thank you for all the love….. The memories,the happiness and the pain you cause. It keeps me alive each day,a reason for me to live another or rather many years just to love you more than yesterday.