Friendships day means nothing without you!

I woke up Sunday morning to texts and messages from friends and family wishing me for “Friendships” day, but it was just one person I wished, rather longed for a message from. I wish it had never gotten this bad, I wish that he never hated me so much! I wish I could turn back time and he still saw me as his best friend and not the one who tore his heart apart!

I have become oblivious to my feelings,for no amount of guilt or hurt was helping, for I know he has made it clear to everyone that he would never want to see me. Never ever! It did hurt me at first and I still feel burnt inside, but I guess only that can heal him and me. 

I had a dream the same morning.. I dreamt that I had met him at some gathering. But his eyes looked at me differently. They had pure hate and hurt and nothing more. It was probably just a dream, but it was as real as it could get. I then thought to myself, if I ever saw him and he looked at me that way, would I be able to handle it? I doubt it. But then again I console myself that he would never express his hate right to my face….

I ask myself why did I do this! Why did I hurt him and now let him hurt me? 

But a voice inside me said, “he hurts you because he hurts and not because he means to hurt you”. 

 Now I know why I find it difficult not to think of him and our years of togetherness. I miss him and his presence. Our long chats (mostly I talk and he listens), when he used to open up his true emotions and when he looked at me as special! Now I have nothing but emptiness and I don’t think anyone can take that space.. It lies empty forever! I miss my closest and best friend more than anything in this world. And I know I have lost him in my vanity. 

Hope no one ever experiences this pain ever!

Hope you cherish your closest friend and never hurt them like I did!

Happy friendship day!

-Sue

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