Sometimes you stumble upon good stuff..
Sometimes you stumble upon good stuff..
I was sitting on the corner of my bed, with my feet on the protruding frame of the bed. Something was bothering me and I just couldn’t put a finger on it. My mind was reeling with thoughts and I was trying to group my thoughts to help make sense. Nothing was helping really. I looked around, my room was pretty cluttered, not in a messy sense, but with too many things and now it bothered me. I began questioning myself :Why did I have so many things; a large bed, side tables, dressing table, cupboards, clothes, accessories, bags, all the beauty products, books, bangles and the list could go on, did I really need all of this? Why couldn’t I just have a simple life?
I wanted throw everything out, I wanted to tear everything apart and break everything that I could. But where do I start? I want to be able to pack my bag and go where i wanted to, like my life in a bag sorts. And then my thoughts began to flow.
Life is meant to be simple isn’t it? Why did we we want to possess things? Why do we compete in having them?
I have this obsession on being original, not sure if its a good things, because we are after all a sum of all experiences. I get annoyed with people trying to be me, trying to possess the same things and something like that. It is strange that it bothers me so much. I try to brush it off most times, but it surfaces back.
When was the last time you could just pick up your phone and call your closest friend? Or do we actually have a close friend? I really don’t know! Most times we fear being judged. When we were younger, little did we care about expressing ourselves. We were open to blurting out whatever we felt, as we grew up everything seems to have changed!
We do live in a materialistic age, the glossy sheets of fashion magazines makes it alluring for readers to want to aspire to either be like the people on the magazine or buy the things they advertise. Well, I can’t deny that it is indeed enticing when you look at all the glam and the contrasting colours that are appealing. We are deluded by their fake smiles and anorexic bodies, wanting to be sickeningly thin and flushed pale faces. We often convince ourselves that being pseudo would earn recognition and we would ‘fit in’! We need to become ‘them’ in order to socialize. So we buy: clothes, cosmetics, accessories, shoes, bags and all that crap with labels on it. Oh and how can I forget, we use ‘sale’ as a reason to hoard stuff.
Oh how can I not mention the cliche, the most ridiculed upon, yet widely used medium: the SOCIAL MEDIA! We are compelled to announce to this pseudo world our accomplishments, our places of visit, our personal life, and every damn crap we do in our lives! “Bought a new bag”, “My husband surprises me on my birthday”, “I am having fun”, “I am at the most expensive restaurant/hotel eating the same crap but paying a fortune to take a dump next morning”. I mean what the hell! Do you really have to publicize every god damn thing in your life? I won’t be surprised if people start uploading their bedroom scene ‘LIVE’ on social media!!!
But yeah, we all are caught in this new age stuff! We love the spotlight and ‘likes’ you know! However, its really sad that we aim at collecting all the materialistic pleasures and let go of important things like making memories that last a life time!!
Bottom line, we slog our asses, compromise on relationships, friends and family just so that we can spend on things, go to places and do stuff we don’t actually need, but want to make sure we are admired and applauded and sometimes even envied!
Mini story is a brilliant idea! #scribbed was my inspiration. I have always suffered from diarrhea of words. Its like I have the need to constantly talk and narrate at length. I somehow can’t seem to limit my description or stories. So this is going to be my attempt. I haven’t written in a long time for I somehow shut myself away. But knowing it is my solace, I wish to begin my New Year with writing..
I woke up with a heavy heart this morning.. ummm.. rather this afternoon.. I haven’t been this lazy in a while, and I am enjoying every moment of it! I felt lost in thought and I just wasn’t able to understand what exactly I felt. I felt stagnant. Like my life was becoming mundane and orderly and funnily I hate it that way! I don’t like predictability and that’s a flaw everyone sees in me, but I think it is my strength! It probably stems from being creative.
Why should life be predictable and “set”? Why can’t it be more…. I don’t know.. like free! Everything we do HAS to be attached to something and I honestly don’t understand why it has to be that way? Our lives are planned and we just lead it and we forget to ‘live’ it! IF we were living, how come we don’t enjoy the simplicity of things and not want to just look at the complexities of life? How do we live simple, you may ask? It’s like we are all running a race, and we have blinkers on like horses, just focus on the destination and not the journey? Materialistic world teaches us how to achieve more and more and compete with people around you and in turn we forget that we compete with people we love, these people who are a big part of our lives, be it your family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, who ever, aren’t they who comprise your life? Why compete like race horses against your own? Who sets standards of achievement? Why can’t one feel achievement in what they do rather than comparing it with so called ‘societal standards’?
I wanna make choices that are mine and whether I regret it or be proud of it, must be mine to choose!
Well that reminds me of an incident! I was at a family gathering and yeah, my brother and I are like the black sheep. Why? We haven’t achieved much and that simply in our community means that haven’t settled in “AMERICA!!!!!!!” Big deal huh? But my brother has a concession, he travels to the US and he is a budding music director, and that puts him on a higher pedestal. I have been purely proud of his achievements(I will never tell him that though) and I don’t feel competitive with him. It’s simple.. He is different from me. I love my job as a teacher and I love the friends (hardly any left now, but yeah 2 or 3 of them) I have and the life I lead by travelling and biking sometimes baking and painting. So that’s that. But NO! my family had to make a big deal of this petty life that I live. So my aunt walked up to me while I was eating and asked me this one question, the one question that gave me an answer to what I was doing, who I was and how I fell more in love with my life.
She said, “Did you not find a job at all, and so you settled for teaching? I could ask my son (my cousin,who was a big loser in his marriage and his half baked knowledge in medicine made me sick and he lived off his parents’ money, but owns a Porsche!!!) to put in a word in these big companies in here! You could move from Chennai(the city I loved with all my heart) and settle in Hyderabad(the upcoming wannabe city, no offence!). What do you say?”
I was flabbergasted! First of all she had the nerve to ask me about my decisions in life! I quit a job that was paying me 3 times more to “BECOME” a teacher! My eyebrows shot up and I had a smirk on my face.
I looked her in the eye and said to her, “I chose to become a teacher, simply because, I don’t want any more losers like your son in my country who lives off their parents’. I want to raise kids who can stand up for themselves, live off with whatever little they are earning and choose a career that inspires them rather than that that which impresses others!”
I saw her jaws drop! I was not the kinds who would give it back to my father’s side of the family. I always was goody little two shoes according to them. But what she said today was disregard to my integrity and disrespectful to the freedom and independence my parents gave me!
I walked out with my head held high and never felt this tall(I am super tall for a girl in reality!).
This told me just one thing! Love yourself no matter what! You might make the wrong decisions and choices, trust the wrong people or lose your favorite people, you might lose money, you could lose anything big or small but never lose heart! No one but yourself must have the highest regard and trust that you will soar high no matter how hard it might get! I found myself in these past couple months. I had lost touch with the person I used to be, the narcissist that I was, was buried too deep and I am digging her out bit by bit simply because that person had believed in herself and never gave up on herself nor did she drive herself to the extreme to wanting to end life! She was a fighter, she faced it all and fought real hard. She was ‘Joan of arc/ Rani Laskshmi Bai’! And I think I want her back.
Robert Frost said, “Two roads diverged in yellow woods, and I took the one less traveled”, I’d say take the one that you want to travel on, don’t choose the road for any other reason!
Speaking of roads, I think I want to go on a trip! I am going to travel and discover more about myself! I’ll probably write on the go!
But until then….
Don’t give up, don’t give in, it’s your life to live,
Don’t lose hope, life is transaction you take and you give.
There is hope even when you find yourself in the deepest mess,
You can bring yourself up, but never think of yourself as any less!
“You won’t know the end of the tunnel, until you get into one!”~Sue
Watching the sunrise at the beach when my city was calm, was rare to me!
Madras is bustling city, with an extremely hot and humid climate almost throughout the year and even worse, it is densely populated.
Most people in my city are from other states because it is an IT and manufacturing hub in South India. It has people from all over the country as well as from abroad. It was during some festival, long holiday season if I am right, the city was calm. Everyone had left to their native and very few of us had the privilege to expreience the rare cool breeze and the freedom of empty roads.
Don’t judge a person when they are happy and gay,
It’s not their complete self they say.
You know a person better during their bad times,
How they treat you when they are angry or sad,
Is what actually makes a person good or bad.
If you can let the person you love down,
If you can make them cry, hurt or frown,
It’s not true love you have for her or him,
It’s just that you are attached to them.
I can’t believe I gave my heart to someone,
Who could tear me apart until I was done.
I can’t believe the last night how you thrust youself,
I swallowed the pain and anger and kept to myself.
I wanted to tell you this a hundred times before,
About how I felt that night , felt sore,
But I loved you too much to hurt you anymore.
Why? Why have you left that scar in my mind?
All the while I assumed you were not that kind.
Now I understand why my love was different,
And that incident felt like it was God sent.
Was your bodily urge so great than to just be with me?
Or was it that I was just an object in your eye?
Did I mean just that after all this time?
I could be wrong but it wasn’t right,
Even after all this I couldn’t hate you or put up a fight.