Nostalgia sometimes is killing.

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We didn’t realize we were making memories! We just knew that we were having fun!”

Sue was holding on, as strong as she could be. She boarded the train and she had butterflies in her tummy.

She was heading on a camp, to the same place where once the entire gang of friends went. She dreaded to live the memories and she was nervous. The highway stretched beside the railway track; the usual road they traveled very often to Bengaluru. She felt chocked and stupid!

“If only I could turn back time”, she said under her breath.

She did miss the old days, when they hung out together, spent time as much as they could and no one, no no one was allowed to disrupt “their” time.

Now it was all gone. One mistake that had washed it all away.

Would anyone ever understand what either Loki or Sue felt? Like apart from the mess Sue created, their friendship was something beyond. Loki seldom opened up to anyone, and he did to her; it meant something right? The highway curved along the track and tears trickled down her cheeks. The signboard said “Ambur”, the gang’s usual pitstop for the famous Biriyani, the tender meet and flavorsome rice was always something they never missed. Sue sighed and she was crying a little more.

Her student, who was really close to her, squeezed her hand, “Ma’am are you okay?”.

Sue quickly wiped away her tears, sniffed and nodded. “Just a little lost in thought”, she said.

Quickly the student gathered few others and wanted the entire student body on the train to dance. It was fun. Sue was a little distracted now. The teachers and students danced together and had a good laugh.

They reached their destination and boarded a bus that would take them up the hill. The students were excited and they were all chattering.

Sue, in her world. Flooded with memories and feeling chocked ;the hill climb, when they sped with their little “sound machine”. The car’s speedometer was busted and it showed a whooping “160 kmph” when their speed was not more than “80 kmph”. She remembered what fun that was, taping the speedometer wobble its way to the maximum, laughing and having fun..

She spotted the place where they pulled over for a picture, the place they ate breakfast and drank tea. This trip was definitely going to be tragic, she concluded.

She let out a sigh, took a deep breath and wiped away her tears..

To be continued……..

Lost a part of me forever!

​With you leaving, I lost a part of me!


I am feeling insane day by day. It is misery that has become my best friend and seems to be there for me at all times.

Off late people have begun questioning me, blaming me and judging me constantly; I have been keeping mum through it all. I smile and nod or look down in shame,not ashamed of myself but ashamed that I gave you my heart.
I was angry at me for having trusted you with my feelings. And I was heart broken that in the end I didn’t mean much, did I?

You took what was so personal and special between us in your hands and decided to crush it under the heel of your shoe. Like all that mattered was just You and nothing else! You had your priorities and I don’t blame you for that. “They” meant everything to you, I guess or I could be wrong like always. But I wonder who were “they” when you fell for me babe? Did “they” become important when you decided to let go off me?

What happened between us was something I treasure and you destroyed it; not for me, but for yourself. You brought it out in the open making it seem as if our bond was trashy and meaningless. I swallowed the pain because I knew that doing what you did gave you a sense of liberation from guilt and made you feel pure. But think about it babe.. You gave me up!

You spat out words of disgust and demeaned me and I sat through it all. You made me feel so small and ashamed of myself, something no one has ever done. It wouldn’t have mattered even if someone else did, but the fact that it was you, tears me apart.

Today, I am happy with myself, for I chose not to spit those words back at you but instead refrained from it all. I feel way above you for not having acted like a saint and behaved like a devil! You made sure that you felt like the victim and I, the accused. Not one cared about how I felt but all they did was empathise your ‘BRAVERY’.

But babe, we both know the truth and I still don’t hate you, I could never hate you or be mad at you. For my love was no ordinary love that was meant to just marry you or beget children with you. My love for you was so wonderful that it was way above mere wanting to quench our bodily urges…. It was a love that was unconditional, love so pure and raw. I don’t think you’ll ever understand babe, my love for you is for eternity. It has nothing to do with “just” being a couple and doing the regular stuff, but it was and will be a love that is way beyond my aptitude to put it into words!

You have told them your stories but I will never tell them mine. Not because of fear babe, because I am beyond being afraid today. But what was between us doesn’t need to be explained to anyone and because I gave you my word. And what the hell? I don’t owe them any reasons for ‘you and me’. I don’t care if you think otherwise.
I don’t care what the world now thinks of me today babe. But only I know the kind of love I had for you and it will die with me.

I don’t regret we met, but I wish we never became strangers.. But it was inevitable.. You said it was my decision, and that I take blame for it.

I thank you for making me heartless all over again! For helping me find my old self that was lost long ago.

Hope you find all the peace,with me gone forever!

-Sue